I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
