You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
