I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
