This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize