Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
