I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
