Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
