can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
