You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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