I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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