after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
