Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
