They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
