She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Randomize