Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
