I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
