Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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