i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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