literally had 100 drinks last night.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
