Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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