i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
