at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
