Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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