I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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