Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
