More tranny stories later!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
