i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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