dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
