I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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