he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you didnt know i had herpes?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
