Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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