I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
