oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
