i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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