i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Come on in and take your pants off
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