everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
