dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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