I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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