I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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