ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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