i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
