Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
