the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
