I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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