It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
