I'm eating all of the evidence.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
