jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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