I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
