So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
