the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
