Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
