I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
