dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
