ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
