Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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