her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is my gift to your gina
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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