There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
