I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
