when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
