Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize