i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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