You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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