I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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