I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
