My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize