Plan B is the new Plan A
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
