He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
