I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
