he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
